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SMILE, life easier now...
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Gudskelov der er l�nge til......
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En 64-�rig kvinde sidder p� en parkb�nk og sn�fter, da en ung mand g�r
forbi, og sp�rger, hvad der er galt. Gennem sine t�rer svarer hun:
"Jeg har f�et en 22-�rig k�reste".
"Hvad er der galt i det?" sp�rger den unge mand.
Sn�ftende, svarer hun,
"Jo, ser du, hver morgen f�r han g�r p� arbejde elsker vi. Til frokost
kommer han hjem, og vi elsker igen, og bagefter laver han min livret.
Om eftermiddagen, n�r han har kaffepause, skynder han sig hjem og giver
mig oralsex, det bedste en quinde kan �nske sig. Og til aften og hele
natten med, elsker vi."
Kvinden bryder fuldst�ndig sammen, og er ikke i stand til at tale mere.
Den unge mand l�gger tr�stende armene rundt om hende.
"Jeg forst�r det ikke. Det lyder som om du har det perfekte forhold.
Hvad gr�der du for?"
"Jeg har glemt, hvor jeg bor!"
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Hvordan man scorer billige points...
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Hvordan man scorer point i forholdet til sin k�reste/kone:
DAGLIGDAGS PLIGTER Point
- Du reder senge........................................... +1
- Du reder senge, men glemmer senget�ppet.................. 0
- Du reder senge, uden at glatte lagnerne.................. -1
- Du efterlader toilets�det opsl�et........................ -5
- Du lader v�re med at strinte udenfor (p� trods af morgenpjort)........+10
- Du skifter toiletpapir n�r rullen er tom................. 0
- N�r rullen er tom, bruger du hendes Kleenex.............. -1
- N�r rullen er tom, bruger du g�steh�ndkl�det.........-15
- Du g�r ud for at k�be hende Ultra-Invisible Always Dry
(med vinger)............................................. +5
- Men kommer hjem med en kasse �l.......................... -5
- Du st�r op midt om natten for at unders�ge en
mist�nkelig lyd.......................................... +5
- Du sl�r den indtr�ngende i gulvet med en stol, mens hun
tilkalder politiet....................................... +5
- Det viser sig at v�re hendes far......................... -10
PARTY-TIME
- Du bliver trofast ved hendes side under hele festen...... 0
- Du bliver hos hende, men falder i snak med en gammel
studiekammerat........................................... -2
- Studiekammeraten hedder Louise........................... -4
- Hun danser helt fantastisk............................... -6
- Og hun er tydeligvis implanteret......................... -8
I BYEN
- Du inviterer hende i biografen........................... +2
- I skal se en film, hun synes om.......................... +4
- I skal se en film, du hader.............................. +6
- I skal se en film, du synes om........................... -2
- Den hedder DeathCop 3.................................... -3
- Og viser en flok cyborgs dyrke sex....................... -9
- Du l�j og fortalte, at I skulle se en polsk film om
for�ldrel�se b�rn........................................ -15
DIN FYSISKE TILSTAND
- Du udvikler en topmave..................... -15
- Men du g�r ivrigt gymnastik og jogger for at slippe af
med den igen............................................. +10
- Du udvikler en topmave og begynder at g�
med l�se Hawaii-skjorter................................. -30
- Du siger, at det vil du bl�se p�, for hun har selv en
fint polstret topmave................................... -800
RESTAURANTBES�G
- McDonalds......................-5
- Den lokale Bodega."Hos Cherrie"...............-2
- D'Angleterre's Terrasser.......+5
- Caf� Indigo i Paris.................+ 10
- "Houlberg's"..........................-10
GAVER
- Det franske fr�kke Bh'en 70 A Trusserne str. XLarge......-15
- Et kontokort til Illum........................+5
- Boremaskine.........................-3
- Klippekort til bussen..............-5
- "Kvinde kend din krop"............-8
- "Slankekurens ABC"................-10
- "Hvordan du kan gl�de din mand"...........+1
- 1 �rs abonnement p� "Alt om Biler"..........-6
- Epileringss�t...................-15
- Et uventet gavekort til Bonnie Erichsen.................-10 / +10
BILK�RSEL
- Du kan ikke finde vej.................................... -4
- Du kan ikke finde vej og I ender med at fare komplet
vild..................................................... -10
- I ender i et v�mmeligt kvarter og m� sp�rge nogle
skumle folk om vej....................................... -25
- De kender dig............................................ -60
DE STORE SP�RGSM�L
- Hun sp�rger: Synes du jeg er for tyk?.................... -5
- Du t�ver med at svare.................................... -10
- Du svarer: Hvor? S�dan mere specifikt ??......................................... -35
KOMMUNIKATION
- N�r hun �nsker at tale alvorligt om et problem, lytter
du og ser ud som om du er bekymret....................... 0
- N�r hun vil tale om alvorlige emner, lytter du i over 30
minutter................................................. +5
- Du lytter koncentreret i mere end 30 minutter uden at
sk�ve til TV............................................. +10
- Det g�r op for hende, at du er faldet i s�vn............. -20
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An Angel To Watch over You
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Some people
come into our lives
and quickly go..
Some people become friends and stay a while..
leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts...........
and we are never quite the same
because we have made a good friend!!
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present!
I think this is special.....live and savor every moment...
TAKE THIS LITTLE ANGEL AND KEEP HER CLOSE TO YOU
SHE IS YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL SENT TO WATCH OVER YOU
Right Now -
-somebody is very proud of you.
-somebody is thinking of you.
-somebody is caring about you.
-somebody misses you.
-somebody wants to talk to you.
-somebody wants to be with you.
-somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.
-somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
-somebody wants to hold your hand.
-somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
-somebody wants you to be happy.
-somebody wants you to find him/her.
-somebody is celebrating your successes.
-somebody wants to give you a gift.
-somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.
-somebody hopes you're not too cold, or too hot.
-somebody wants to hug you.
-somebody loves you.
-somebody admires your strength.
-somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
-somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.
-somebody wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun.
-somebody thinks the world of you.
-somebody wants to protect you.
-somebody would do anything for you.
-somebody wants to be forgiven.
-somebody is grateful for your forgiveness.
-somebody wants to laugh with you.
-somebody remembers you and wishes that you were there.
-somebody is praising God for you.
-somebody needs to know that your love is unconditional.
-somebody values your advice.
-somebody wants to tell you how much they care.
-somebody wants to share their dreams with you.
-somebody wants to hold you in their arms.
-somebody wants YOU to hold them in your arms.
-somebody treasures your spirit.
-somebody wishes they could STOP time because of you.
-somebody praises God for your friendship and love.
-somebody can't wait to see you.
-somebody loves you for who you are.
-somebody loves the way you make them feel.
-somebody wants you to know they are there for you.
-somebody is glad that you're his/her friend.
-somebody wants to be your friend.
-somebody stayed up all night thinking about you.
-somebody is alive because of you.
-somebody is wishing that you noticed him/her.
-somebody wants to get to know you better.
-somebody wants to be near you.
-somebody misses your advice/guidance.
-somebody has faith in you.
-somebody trusts you.
-somebody needs you to send them this letter.
-somebody needs your support.
-somebody needs you to have faith in them.
-somebody will cry when they read this.
-somebody needs you to let them be your friend.
-somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.
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